Willow, a cat belonging to the partner of Samuel Smith, has been appointed Deputy Chief Mouser of the Realm of the Empire of Austenasia, with responsibility for overseeing the Northern territories. The post was created as Noodle, the Chief Mouser of the Realm, does not wish to make the commute.
The office of Deputy Chief Mouser is, as the title suggests, concerned chiefly with mice. Willow’s record, however, points in a rather different direction. Those who know her well say that her true speciality is hunting spiders, which she pursues with a focus and persistence she rarely shows towards rodents. She is said to be capable of sitting motionless for long periods beneath a single spider on the ceiling, waiting for the moment it descends. Mice, by contrast, receive a look of mild interest before she returns to more pressing matters.
Officials were untroubled by this. One source close to the appointment noted that the Empire has never formally required its mousers to specialise in mice, and confirmed that the title “Chief Spiderer” had been briefly considered. It was abandoned after a member of the Government began singing it to the tune of a certain superhero’s theme song, only to be stopped by a colleague who asked, “Can she fly?” The answer, it was agreed, was no, since she is just a cat.
The timing of her appointment is considered fortunate. Late autumn is traditionally the season in which spiders move indoors in search of warmth, and residents of the Northern territories have welcomed the prospect of someone else taking charge of the problem. Her duties are expected to include regular patrols, the inspection of windowsills and corners, and long periods of rest between operations, which those familiar with the role describe as an essential part of the job.
Willow has not issued a formal statement. When approached by the Austenasian Times, she was found watching a corner of the ceiling with great intensity and declined to comment. Observers took this as a sign that she had already begun work. She is understood to have received the news calmly, before falling asleep in a patch of sunlight for most of the afternoon. Noodle is likewise yet to comment, but is understood to be content with the arrangement.
Mr Smith is said to be supportive of the appointment, although it remains unclear whether he was consulted. His partner is reported to be proud of Willow’s achievement, while noting that the cat had been doing the job unofficially for some time.
Residents of the Northern territories who encounter a spider are advised to remain calm, keep the door open, and wait.
